Navigating Pet Loss

Here’s a literal “life is a mother **” experience for our family. Unexpected pet loss.

I mentioned in my “about me” section that we have a golden retriever puppy. This was maybe a rushed decision for us – with our two young boys at home we didn’t really think about all the work that goes into training a puppy. I’ll have more on this later…we just hired a dog trainer!

So why did we rush? We unfortunately, and rather unexpectedly had to put down our beloved dog – Sadie Lou last November. She was with us for 8 years. She was our first baby. My husband and I brought Sadie home when we were only just dating. That’s a fun story too – it went something like, one random Thursday night, we decided we wanted a puppy. So, we texted our landlord at the time, he said “sure, no problem, just let me approve of the breed once you decide what you want.” Ok, cool, we found a breeder with cockapoo puppies that night. Our landlord said “no way! I have 2 cockapoos and love them, go for it!”

So the next morning, we were on the road to meet the breeder. We brought Sadie home that day. Typing it out, I feel like we probably sound crazy but to be honest, most of our best decisions have been this spontaneous. 

Fast forward, Sadie had been with us for 5 years before we had our son, and then for another 3 years before she got sick. It happened so, so quick. We had always joked that Sadie was the healthiest dog and would live forever. We never had any health issues with her. In fact, just 2 weeks before she died, she had her annual check up with the vet and had a clean bill of health.

Suddenly she just stopped eating and became a little more lethargic (even for her, she was a pretty laid back dog at baseline). We took her back to the vet, they checked her blood counts (a CBC) and things were borderline off, so they suggested we trial a course of steroids for possible ITP (immune mediated thrombocytopenia – a condition where the body essentially attacks its own blood cells, mainly platelets and the cause is not always obvious. We also see this condition in humans). The vet actually speculated that the cause of this was from Sadie’s flu vaccine that she received 2 weeks earlier. So, we took her home and started the medication.

5 days later, she was still declining. Barely moving, barely eating, just not her normal self. We called the vet again. They recommended an evaluation at a larger animal hospital. At this point, we were thinking the worst. 

I snapped a picture of our boys with Sadie on the couch before we left the house. I just had a feeling – and I’m so grateful now for that photo. Our oldest was only 3 at the time. We explained to Ben that Sadie was sick and she needed to see a doctor – just like he does when he’s sick. He understood that for the most part. 

Once at the animal hospital and after meeting with the vet, we felt a little more optimistic. He felt that Sadie did not have ITP from her vaccine (he said this is very rare) and he thought maybe she had some kind of gastrointestinal bleed that caused the abnormality. He suggested an ultrasound and some additional blood work. Once the test results were back however, our world was shattered.

The ultrasound revealed a mass in her abdomen, possibly a lymphoma (cancer) and her blood work was critical. She was in acute kidney failure, her electrolytes were abnormal and her blood counts were worse. We had the option of treating the kidney failure with dialysis – essentially filtering the blood of toxins and abnormalities that the kidneys if working properly would normally do, however, this would not address the bigger issue – the cancer.

So, we made the decision to euthanize. She was miserable at that point, like I said, just not herself. My husband and I were devastated. Even now, 9+ months later, typing this out, reliving that day brings me to tears. 

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A few days later, I was able to read a little about lymphoma in dogs. It’s relatively common. It doesn’t always progress or present as quickly as Sadie’s case – we were just unlucky that way. We walked out of the vet hospital hand in hand that night, both in tears. I looked up as we were leaving and I couldn’t believe it, there was a rainbow from the building up to the clouds. I’m not a religious or spiritual person but dang if that didn’t tug at my heartstrings – a rainbow bridge for our pup. 

The next day we had to explain to Ben that Sadie was up in doggy heaven and she wouldn’t be coming home. He asked, “can we go visit her?” and “is doggy heaven far away?” This was our first experience navigating such an abstract concept with a toddler and it was definitely difficult. We are still, even months later, talking about Sadie, reminding Ben she is no longer on Earth with us. Once in a while, out of the blue he will ask me if we can go visit her.  Oh do I wish I could say yes! 

With Sadie’s remains, we opted for cremation. We have a wooden box with a secure lid where she is stored. We haven’t even tried to talk to Ben about that – not sure his little heart is ready for that information. I didn’t really know that that was even an option with pets. We used a local company that I felt like handled everything for us with the utmost respect and professionalism. They also gave us a cement molding of one of her paw prints. 

Moving Forward

10 months have passed at this point and this loss still feels very fresh. Pets are truly the companions we don’t deserve. After 4 months of a house without Sadie, that felt very empty, we decided to get another dog. We brought home a golden retriever puppy at the end of February. To say it has been chaotic would be putting it mildly. Oh how did we forget what it’s like to train a puppy – and now a very energetic one at that. If you have any training tips, drop them for me below! Don’t get me wrong, I love this new pup, but boy, most days he really makes me miss Sadie girl.