My Toddler is a S***-head: Tantrums and more
Again, all about keeping it real in this space. As you know, I have a four year old and an eighteen month old. Both boys. I can officially say that my oldest, Ben is an angel baby and our youngest, Noah is kind of an a**hole. Yep, I said it. I love him dearly, but man, the last few weeks he is testing us with his behavior – mainly toddler temper tantrums.
In his defense, I’m pretty sure RSV just went through our house – really timely considering I just posted about it. So he was sick and grumpy the last week or so. But we are now experiencing some major toddler temper tantrums. These have started over the last couple of weeks. I think they stem from his inability to communicate with us. His brother was a late talker (didn’t start communicating until two) and I anticipate Noah will be on a similar timeline.
A tantrum for Noah looks like a cry-scream and some body slamming. Literally, he will slam his body on the ground. Yesterday, he threw himself down then half tripped and ended up hitting his head on the floor in the kitchen. He gave himself a bloody nose and a mildly fat lip. Super fun to deal with. Don’t worry, he’s fine – the nosebleed only lasted a few minutes thank goodness. He also likes to slam his hands down on whatever surface he is near or throw whatever toy he is holding when he gets upset.
Another great thing we deal with is breath holding spells. Once in a while – really very rarely he will get so upset while crying that he has a fainting episode. Fortunately, this has only happened about 3 or 4 times. Unfortunately, this seems to only happen when my husband (the non-medical parent) is home alone with him. We have talked about it extensively. Bryan knows what it is and it no longer causes intense panic for him. We know Noah will outgrow this and that can’t come soon enough!
How to Handle Toddler Tantrums – or at least attempt to!
As for the tantrums – I am over here on google “how to handle temper tantrums” and “when can I start using time outs.” So here’s what I’m learning and what Bryan and I are trying to practice with him. I also am trying to practice what I would preach to patients. Try redirection, stay calm etc. As a reminder – we are in totally new territory with this issue. Like I said, our oldest never really acted out like this. Not saying Ben’s perfect but he definitely didn’t challenge us in the same way Noah is now.
So from my recent google research, Cleveland Clinic recommends ignoring the tantrum, keeping them in sight and keeping them safe (all obvious things?). For toddlers as young as 18 months, I also read it may be helpful to hold or hug your child while they are in meltdown mode. Just don’t give in to what caused the meltdown. It’s so important to not give in or change your mind – this can just reinforce the behavior. And if you give in, even occasionally that can be really confusing for your child. As for time-outs, I don’t think they are a good option for dealing with tantrums – at least based on my brief google search. So I won’t be trying that just yet.
After your child has calmed down, you should praise them as specifically as possible. “You did so great calming down after you purposely hit your face on the floor when I didn’t give you another goldfish cracker.” Ok, I’m kidding with that example. But in all seriousness, I think it is important to talk to your kids about their emotions and allow them to understand their big feelings. I’m just not really sure how you do that for a baby as young as 18 months. An example, I can’t take credit for that maybe I’ll try to use – “I can see that you are angry, you are crying and your face is red.” Or another, “I know you are frustrated that you can’t climb on the kitchen counter, so let’s find another activity to do” – Ok, yes, that second one is mine based on experience!
So, my plan is to try to stay calm, comfort him when he’s being a s***-head and try to keep my anxiety about the whole thing at bay. That will work right? And if not, everything I read says toddlers grow out of tantrums by age 4 – so the countdown is on! Let me know your thoughts or suggestions below.
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